Dating during and after divorce
Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing.
"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior—acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you—or showing anger toward siblings and peers.
"I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says.
"Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired.
Try to have money available—like ,000—within days. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife—and their children—what life is like on a lower salary," she says.
So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.9.Also, inform your child's teacher of the new situation, but don't automatically put your kid in therapy. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007."It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme. She now has a blog, Plenty Perfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take.Ask your attorney when and how it's best to gather this info first, though. "Raw emotions will heal and legalities will be completed, but the financial impact of poor decisions, or default decisions due to lack of understanding, will last a lifetime," she warns.Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living the divorce proceedings start. Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up.